Tuesday, January 5, 2010

dis men sef...

Pls someone explain to me wat exactly it is about hitting ur mid twenties that brings on the "marriage inquisition"?????Its like a neon sign lights up on ur head and every one you meet (hmmm..married or not) take it upon themselves to interrogate u on ur single status...It usually starts with..."eh, so whose the guy/bobo/chairman?" and of cos, if ur like me to avoid unneccesary qtns u say..."he dey." or u make up some random gist like he travelled or smthing, but u just know that wont stop them cos the next qtn is most predictably, "so, when are we hearing wedding bells, getting ivs??? "cos u just know they have vested interests in ur getting married(?) or if ur "foolish" enough to say "am single" then come d fireworks..."at ur age? "(50?) "ur not getting any younger" (50? did i mention how thotful and sensitive that is by the way?) and of cos, my personal favourite..."u need to be in a man's house b4 ur 30" and "every woman should be married before 30" and they cant possibly understand ur drive or wanting to build ur career.They are those with the sweetest intention who just want the happiness for u that they have themselves...ma chics, u know who you are...LOL
Am guessing this memo wasnt circulated to the men as well, cos the typical "suitors" we meet are

(a)young and just looking for u know nah...

(b)married and definitely looking for...

(c)self proclaimed commitment phobic bachelors who lead on unsuspecting girls to believe they will be the one to land the BIG FISH...

(d) the ones who see u as a big $ sign

(e)young, doing very well and has absolutely no idea what he wants...

(f)the good looking brother who knows hes fine and wont let u or every other girl in a ten mile radius forget it

(g)the nice guys with no ambition whatsoever

(i)and of cos we wont forget d wife/gf beaters and control freaks

I mean...am i so naive to want to wait for the love of my life?...LMAO but really, is romance officially dead?

its just not cool...

Just how long should u date any one?I mean, 6 months and am going out of my mind...LOLReally, wouldnt u get tired of d same routine every day, every month, every yr? LOL Ok, am kidding but how long does it actually take you to figure if he or she is “the one”?Some people believe you will know as such u meet them...a connection, some serious chemistry, a certain je ne sais quoi... Am trying not to make it abt the guys cos we have female offenders but hmmm...lolpercentages don’t lie...“Some pple”need to work it out and over a loooonnnng time figure out if their gf or bf is the one and then neglect to tell them...d next thing you know, these people who have been dating forever are getting married to some else who their friends in some cases never knew or generally covered for them.You hear stories, actually hmmm... horror stories of situations where two people are dating serious r/tnship o and then next thing after like 5 yrs or something , ur other half decides ur not the one they want to spend the rest of their life with after 5 bloodly yrs!I mean, couldnt you have figured that out sooner?Or your together every thing is all sweet and strawberries and champagne, ur staying over for the weekend and ur darling swthrt says they need to travel for...somethingthen u find a trad wedding Invitation for him or her and some interloper who (we wld like to believe)has no idea.Its hard not to be cynical in a world where you can date someone for ten yrs, plan a wedding and they dump you for no reason and still try to sex with you afterwards Oh and for d record thats just not cool...

Its just not cool not to be upfront about ur intentions towards someone

Its just not cool to lead someone to believe u like them while ur waiting for something better to come alongAs much as i love dbanj’s booty call, no one likes to be one Its just not cool to use shallow values to choose a life partner except if ur mutually shallow of cos

Its just not cool to marry for money, i mean we all like luxury and good things but really ask urself would you stay if he or she had a life threatening disease or turned out to have gotten the money thru some creative way like i dont know...419, jazz or armed robbery?

Its not cool to be nasty or unkind to someone ur supposed to loveIts not cool to stay with anyone for strictly material benefit

Drama and relationships are NOT mutually exclusive
Its just not cool to say beliltting or emotionally crippling stuff to ur friends who are still supposed to treat d person with respect, ur their example
This is my "to not do" list written on one of my "insomniac" nights feel free to add on yours...

this submission thing sef...

Every time u hear about man woman talk...u know nah trust, love, betrayal etc the next issue that comes up is respect and submission.About how its a man’s God given right to expect it from his woman (regardless of married status or not) sometimes bible quotes dey enter the bargain sef...(and usually QUITE misquoted.)lolThe ironic thing is, what a lot of men fail to understand is, in as much as every human being deserves respect (man, woman) in every sense of the word from elders, to family, to work, even the person who meet on the way...when it goes beyond the realm of mundane or platonic relationships to romantic... respect and submission SHOULD be earned, not taken by force, demanded or expected as a matter of fact. Its constantly funny to me when i hear men talk about how a woman didn’t respect them or follow their every command or “submit” to their understanding or logic, DID U EARN IT?Am not referring to financial or material needs, or the new car she wants or even that correct atampa or lace or gold she been drooling over.Ist and foremost, abeg if u dnt respect her...how EXACTLY shld she respect u?I mean, are u the one who listens to her hopes and fears and instinctively knows she doesn’t want a fix it solution, just to be heard and held? Why exactly do expect her to jump thru hoops to pls u wen u dont?Do u fulfil her emotional needs just as u expect her to fulfil ur sexual ones?Are u her sounding board in all things bizness, work and on an earthly level aside from her pastor or priest, spiritual?How possible is it to make decisions that affect the both of u and not include her?Is her opinion respected?How many times have u gone out of ur way to make her happy, just becos u can?When u control a woman, do u realize that she might just be humouring u for d moment and one fateful day if circumstances change it will backfire or end?Have u set her aside as ur one and only?Does she feel safe with u?Can she tell u her worst secret and u wnt judge her?These are just a few...but i can tell u...No sane good woman on the face of the earth would turn down or not appreciate a man who has her best interests at heart and puts her before everything on earth and respects HER. Submission follows NATURALLY...respect may even have been there from the start if she loves you or developed along the way...u can love anyone cos we dnt choose who we fall in love with. But u cant buy, barter or borrow an instinctive feeling that comes from being loved, taken care of and protected.Ok pple, these are my thots & since there r always opposing opinions, enjoy...

draaaaaammmmaaaa...

i live a very dramatic life, some would call me a trouble magnet but i say my piece and i still hold the view they are the ones with the wahala not me...lol!

ok, my ist gripe is about the double standard, yƔll know exactly wat am on about; the invisible rule book that determines certain nuggets of "wisdom" like if men cheat its all good and if women do...kick her out! a woman cant be aggressive cos it would make her a shrew and drive men away and who basically wants another ego in the home? etc

Am unbashedly pro-"chick", another word used to describe that unknown quantity that is woman and no, am not a menber of the womens lib movement and neither am i a feminist, am juat a chic whose tired of the status quo. Sometimes it feels like everyone but a few people are looking at the world through rose tinted glasses and daring to be different is gosh! a sin. there are only two ways to deal with men in this sphere we call home and its be a doormat who does as shes told and turn a blind eye on all infidelity and blatant pride/ego induced decisions whether its to ur mutual detriment or not and of cos theres the seemingly "submissive" woman who manipulates the man into what she wants and the illusion hes in charge is of cos maintained.